In all our discussions so far, in class and virtual world, we have been discussing the many aspects of gender communication, especially the value of good communication and the validity of gender bias.Given the amount of time we devote to this subject matter, why is gender (mis)communication such a big deal? I mean, look at the number of self help books on the book shelves pertaining to this topic!
Drawing a parallel to the English-Singlish debate that is so uniquely Singapore, I think communication between the two genders is so important because these differences in verbal and non-verbal cues highlight the fundamental differences between two people of the opposite sex.
In Singapore, the speak good english campaign is based on the ideology that English and Singlish are opposing forces. As one increases, the other must decrease. Hence, the government's stance is to eliminate the prevalent use of Singlish, lest we lose the ability to communicate effectively with the world at large.
Similarly, the communication styles of men and women are seen to be conflicting, even having an inverse relationship, if I were to take it to the extreme. By using the communication method of the other gender, or using something that the other gender is remotely able to identify with, am I losing my sense of self? It is perhaps this sense of self-identity and the desire to preserve something that is fundamental to an individual that fuels gender miscommunication.
The true problem arises when the two genders are supposed to be a collective unit. That means, to speak the same language. Societal construction of relationship hinges on the invisible line of what is them and us. If we can't understand each other, what defines our relationship and what is the difference between them and us?
Perhaps, gender (mis)communication is a manifestation of a larger issue - the identity and solidarity of two different individuals in a relationship.
You make a good point about the relationship between types of communication - they are often not valued equally, and often false dichotomies are set up, like in your Standard English/Singlish example. To a certain extent, we might expect "male" language to be the unmarked norm in a patriarchal society, just as Standard English (what variety??) is said to be the unmarked standard of English here. A conflict relationship seems to be default thinking, but in gender communication, this leads to certain expectations and fuels the whole Mars/Venus industry.
ReplyDeleteI like the point about self-identity and identity solidarity. But i was thinking, isn't it precisely the differences that causes a relationship to be built? It is that curiosity and difference that draw males and females together. Even if it is not overt, there is an element of it within every relationship. Knowing everything is good, but not knowing gives surprises that life needs to be exciting. I think men and women are drawn to each other essentially because they are different and yet complementary in their natural gifts. It may be a reason why relationships persist despite the difficulties involved.
ReplyDelete- Jon
Agreed. I have nothing more to say. LOLx
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