Reflections for Tootsie: The power of a name

"Ron...My name is Dorothy, not tootsie, or toot or sweety or honey or dove. No, just Dorothy. Now, Allan's always Allan; Tom's always Tom, and John's always John - I have a name too. It's D-O-R-O-T-H-Y, Dorothy."

that to me signalled the change in power dynamics on set during the film.

It's interesting how Dorothy did not correct the doctor when he cut her off, did not listen to her or even try to take liberties with her. Instead, her pet peeve was the way he addressed her. By demanding to be referred to by her given name, Dorothy is putting herself as an equal to the men. With that, she would have to be given the due respect and voice, empowering her on the set.

In a world where males hold dominance in the public sphere, the foremost thing a female needs to possess before she can claim any form of power is her name. It is an outward symbol that she is her own person, not the property of another person. I bring in reference to how it was customary in ancient China to only name males. Even til today, many clan genealogy books state the generation name for males only. Females were rarely given proper names, other than the perfunctory "da mei", "er mei", in accordance of their age. Without even having an identity, how can females be expected to be respected by others?

In this day and age where we all have given names with fanciful meanings behind them, can it be said that the balance of power has shifted in favour of the female gender?

Gender Communication - What?!

In all our discussions so far, in class and virtual world, we have been discussing the many aspects of gender communication, especially the value of good communication and the validity of gender bias.Given the amount of time we devote to this subject matter, why is gender (mis)communication such a big deal? I mean, look at the number of self help books on the book shelves pertaining to this topic!

Drawing a parallel to the English-Singlish debate that is so uniquely Singapore, I think communication between the two genders is so important because these differences in verbal and non-verbal cues highlight the fundamental differences between two people of the opposite sex.

In Singapore, the speak good english campaign is based on the ideology that English and Singlish are opposing forces. As one increases, the other must decrease. Hence, the government's stance is to eliminate the prevalent use of Singlish, lest we lose the ability to communicate effectively with the world at large.

Similarly, the communication styles of men and women are seen to be conflicting, even having an inverse relationship, if I were to take it to the extreme. By using the communication method of the other gender, or using something that the other gender is remotely able to identify with, am I losing my sense of self? It is perhaps this sense of self-identity and the desire to preserve something that is fundamental to an individual that fuels gender miscommunication.

The true problem arises when the two genders are supposed to be a collective unit. That means, to speak the same language. Societal construction of relationship hinges on the invisible line of what is them and us. If we can't understand each other, what defines our relationship and what is the difference between them and us?

Perhaps, gender (mis)communication is a manifestation of a larger issue - the identity and solidarity of two different individuals in a relationship.

Engendered Learning Styles: A response to Tannen

I find myself convinced by Tannen’s argument of how certain classroom strategies may disadvantage some students. However, I am inclined to refine Tannen’s point of male and female learning styles to masculine and feminine learning styles. That is, instead of equating learning styles as a gender construct, students are categorized by the aggressiveness in their classroom participation regardless of gender. Students that consistently participate actively have a masculine learning style and students that are more passive, feminine.

This refinement is largely due to my decade long experience in an all-girls school. If Tannen were right about how both sexes use language differently in their sex-separate peer groups, active class participation would have been an extremely rare occurrence. On the contrary, I have attended classes where open debate was active and strongly encouraged by female teachers. In fact, I personally enjoy such sessions as I find my mental faculties being stretched and learning to see things from different viewpoints. Admittedly, not all of my classmates enjoy the open debate, the quieter ones enjoying small group discussions and preferring group presentations. The contrasting learning styles of an all female class, therefore, lends support to my opinion that gender does not dictate learning styles, but there can be engendered learning styles and it is these engendered learning styles that educators need to take into consideration when planning their classroom strategies so as not to neglect the needs of a particular group of students.

Small Talk vs Big Talk

In "Can't We Talk?", Deborah Tannen suggests that gender miscommunication can be attributed to the radically different speech patterns of both genders. Although this might be true, I would like to suggest another reason. Instead of speech, I propose that it is the thought process results in gender miscommunication.

When faced with the same situation, men and women process it differently, resulting in the different responses (verbal or otherwise). The miscommunication occurs when one gender assumes that the other is thinking in the ex.act same way or wants the other to think in the same way. 

I particularly enjoy the segment of this video where the manager and his secretary are both thinking at their desks, wondering why the other party behaved the way he/she did. To translate it into a scenario that might be more familiar to us, think about the last family reunion or wedding dinner you went to: the aunts will talk about anything under the sun, switching from topic to topic with ease. Kids, housework, shopping and sales, even the latest drama serial – nothing to them is insignificant. The uncles’ conversation is interspersed with more moments of polite silence and centred in more “significant” topics like stocks and the economy or current affairs in general. To both genders, meaningful conversation is made and familial ties strengthened, but it is just the way men and women perceive what is important that differs.

Welcome to my world!

A quick shoutout to my friends in WP 2201C!!!

Since this blog is set up with the express purpose of penning down thoughts on gender and communication, i find it beneficial to share little tidbits about myself so that you can understand my point of view better.

I am a first year life science student with the long term goal of pursuing a career in physical anthropology or forensic science. Writing is a primarily a form of relaxation for me as I find the free expression of words a harmonious contrast to the factual nature of science.

I am particularly fascinated with the human anatomy and anything remotely related to dolphins (a dead give-away would be my blog name...delphinus is a constellation of the family of "Heavenly Water")

I was educated in an all girls' school for 10 years, so i tend to be a little feminist in my opinions, but I'm sure growing up with a bunch of vocal ACS boys has given me years of experience in XY communication!